Hello. I just joined today and decided to post introducing myself. My name is Sev and I'm fairly new to the D/s scene. ( A little about meCollapse )
Hi, I'm new here.
I'm fairly new to bdsm, but I am really enjoying what I'm experiencing. This weekend, I had a wonderful time with a top that I've been playing with off and on. Our encounters (even when not strictly sexual) are so intense that I'm not sure how to take it. When he took me anally the other night, after I couldn't take it anymore (it was wonderful, but soooo intense) I started shaking and hyperventilating and had to fight to keep from crying. Is this normal? I felt really guilty for asking him to hold me and I was really afraid he would be scared off (he wasn't, phew!). Then we went on to him bending me back over, so everything was fine. I just wonder if anyone else has had this kind of reaction, and how your partner(s) react.
I have been reading about orgasms all over live journal lately. I know what they are, lol. But I almost ashamed to say, I haven't experienced one, and I am almost 21 years old, and I've been having sex for almost three years and masturbating for as long as I can remember.
At least I don't think I've had one.
Sharing this makes me feel a bit behind the rest of the crowd, like I'm babyish or immature, so please try to keep your comments mild for me. I'm admitting freely my vulnerability here.
( On OrgasmsCollapse )
Once trust has been utterly broken, to the point of betrayl and heartbreak, on the Dom's part, how do I as a sub work with him (because I have chosen to stay with him) to rebuild our relationship and trust? What do I have a right to ask for? When am I being too needy?
What I speak about happened March 17th this year, and still I find myself anxious and nervous, which I believe the distance between us for the summer, aggravates. I don't want to be constantly bringing this up, and I am reluctant to adress it. But I need to know what role he is supposed to play in my healing, and what I am allowed to ask for as far as reassurance and proof that things are changing for the better between us so that this doesn't happen again.
I'm not at square one, I've been dealing with this for awhile, but I can't seem to get over this completely yet. Am I pushing myself too hard? I want to trust him, and for the most part, I do. But there is still a shadow of a doubt, still an anxiety, and still a question. Like one little brick in the whole wall of trust is missing, and it's the hardest to put back.
I have a mother who is abusive with guilt as a means of control.
She's also abusive with control and she always has to stay in control. It took me a long time to realize that she was abusive, until last month actually.
This is from a post in another journal that describes it a bit more... Just please note that the girl I reference, Julie, is my sister, and will be a sophmore in college this Fall.
I am giving this as a reference as to what I am writing here and now. Living with my mother, makes me incredulous as to why I am a submissive. Her control and abusive ways with guilt and shame in order to keep it, make me want to run the other way. In everyday things, I am good at delegating responsibility. I can do all the little jobs myself as well, but I am particularly good at seeing the whole picture and letting others know what should be done to reach X goal. I like leading, even if it's with consensus and communication, rather than authority and dominance.
I suppose this could lead to a discussion on nature vs. nurture as well. Perhaps I am taking a forced submission to a positive level in other area's of my life? Or perhaps it is completely unrelated to my other relationships entirely and it's just a coincidence as there is absolutely nothing healthy or sane about my mother acting the ways she does. The cut does't get into detail, but when your sister breaks down saying she'll do whatever your mother wants as long as my mother stops comparing my sister to herself all why sobbing her heart out, there's something really seriously wrong here.
It scares me in a way. It also makes me appreciate the relationship I have with Master, it's healthy, sane, and very loving. There is no shame, no guilt. It's positive. And at times, therapeutic. (Any shame or humiliation is during playtime and is for our enjoyment. hehe)
Just some random thoughts.
( Guilt, Shame and ControlCollapse )
This will be cut for those of you at work, because this is going to be graphic in nature. It will also probably be rather lengthy.
I am simply describing what I miss most about my relationship with Master, now that we cannot see each other for a summer. I'm sure some of you can empathize with this fantasy/reality/memory and I just thought I'd put it out there. Perhaps thinking about it in such detail will make me miss Master less, even if just for the time I am writing it.
( Good Morning SunshineCollapse )
Hello everyone. I'm new to the group, quite obviously, and so I'll give my two cents of information. My name is Koshka or Ka, whichever you'd prefer to call me. I am a 20 year old submissive with a Master, though limited experience so far. I am excited that that fact is changing quickly!
It's very hard being away from Master, because our D/s relationship is relatively new. We both discovered slowly over time that the other was really into BDSM and more specifically the D/s or S/m (as you will) part of that. We have been experimenting, which is harder than it sounds because of classes, coursework, and house-mates who are, as very vanilla and traditional. ( We are both college students, so each of us are in our home states for the summer, which is unfortunate but couldn't be avoided.)
You'll find us both very well read on the subject of D/s and BDSM but lacking in experience, something I hope to change quickly. I am interested right now, in ways we can keep our relationship more alive with D/s related things, even while we are far away. We'd like to slowly build towards a 24/7 relationship.
Hope the day finds everyone well and I am excited to converse with all of you.
Today is a veryy gloomy day outside.....eeeeeeeeeeew.
Well I went and joined a set of mailing lists on Yahoo and some on MSN dealing with the D/s lifestyle.
I've been talking to many people and they are outraged by what happened to me and a few would like me to reveal his id so that others can be warned and protected agaisnt him.
I honestly don't believe that he was into the lifestlye. He just wanted to get off and because he can't get a girl he uses the idea of being a Dom as a lure.
He had another 'slave' that he was talking to online that as soon as she found out he was talking to me. she put him on ignore.
If you were to ask me what I'd want in my perfect Dom/me, I'd say the following:
~Someone who is patient.
~Someone who is not going to ignore my limits, instead s/he understands why they exist and works slowly to overcome them.
~Someone who communitcates honestly and openly.
~Someone who realizes that there are things that I cannot do, and down't punish me for that.
~Someone who is gentle when needed and strict when it is called for.
~Someone that realizes that expressing myself through writing or poems is important.
~Someone that is true to his/her word and principles.
~Someone who is a friend.
I am slowly getting over my brother and cousin's death. It's not easy and a lot of it is being internalized because I don't have anyone to talk to about it, and when I do the attitude is that I need to get over it. I intenalized alot of my submissive feelings to because I didn't have any one to talk to and I didn't want others to think I am strange.
I still have to hide those feelings because my aunt and uncle aren't that understanding. They see the lifestyle as a bad thing.
I was at Barnes and Noble yesterday and I found myself wondering if I were to come in there looking for books on the lifestyle, where would I look? Any suggestions here?
PS: Cross posted to honest d/s list too.
people haven't been updating this community!!!
i forgot what i was going to update about that was related.
i remember a long time ago,
someone wrote about her shaving
experience (someone shaved her)
and i told her i would update
if i ever had a similar experience.
i wasn't shaved, but i shaved my dom.
it was so sweet!
and then afterwards we showered together
and bathed eachother and washed eachother's hair.
we both liked it.
we found it to be so romantic!
i would suggest that anyone
do that with someone they love.
i'm happie happie happie!!!
Greetings to all!
im new to communities here and thought maybe i would join a few and perhaps make friends along the way *smiles*
im a 32 year old slave and have been in the lifestyle for going on 4 years now. Proudly owned to Sir Bill. This summer/fall i will be moving with Him to be His 24/7 slave and in a few days or so i should be recieveing His real collar.
i look forward to getting to know you all *smiles*