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Tue, Aug. 16th, 2005, 01:08 pm
sweetsatingirl: Sustainability of D/s relationships

Recently several friends ended relationships with their Dominants. I was speaking to one such friend the other day about "long term" and how it specifically relates to D/s (or any variation/flavore thereof). We realized that there are only a select few (who we know) who have long term, (i would dare say lifetime) committments with each other. It seems like for the most part, D/s relationships seem to last one or two years at best, or maybe that is just my perception. Now, I am not saying there arent those who have long term committments with their Dominants, and I know a few who do. Does anyone have any experiences with that - in the affirmative, contrary, or something inbetween?

I hope no one jumps down my throat about this. Its just an observation that I have made, and something that I am curious about. There is a good chance that my perception is wrong about this. It just seems that there are considerably more breakups among the lifestyle people that I know, then those who are in vanilla relationships.

sidenote - i really hate the terms "vanilla" and "lifestyle"


Tue, Aug. 16th, 2005 10:04 pm (UTC)

i know that a lot of D/s couples break up quickly, but then so do a lot of "vanilla" couples in this throwaway society. i also know quite a few D/s couples who have been together a great many years, many married. i was married to my Master for thirteen years, until He died, and eight years later have just married my new Master after a three year friendship and a year of being His collared sub. We are close friends with a Domme and Her sub/husband of 35 years....so it DOES work, and work well. i hope this helps.

Sun, Aug. 21st, 2005 11:23 pm (UTC)

Well my longest relationship that I have been in lasted 4 years before I got the courage to break it off .. the second longest relationship i was in before I again got the courage to break it off was 1.5 years (both relationships where M/s based and abusive).

I know of a few couples who have been together for 6+ years, but it does appear that its not uncommon for relationships within the BDSM community to be short lived for some people.

I know that to a degree the key to a relationship lasting is open communication, having space, being yourself, and knowing that you can't always be in a D/s or even an M/s dynamic life does happen and thus you do need to deal with it as it does happen.

well take care,


Sun, Aug. 28th, 2005 01:01 pm (UTC)

I just found this group, and don't know if it's active, but I thought I'd chime in on this thread.

I've been married fifteen years to my Dominant, and until this summer, it's been great. We have four beautiful children.

Everything changed this summer, though, but the changes really have no bearing on the D/s. Well, maybe they do. My husband has a brain abscess, and so much about him has changed that I'm going through a period of questioning the relationship as the boundaries get redefined. It is very difficult to go from the role of wife/submissive to that of caregiver/nursemaid.

But for fifteen years, the relationship worked well, and I'm sure we'll get through this, too, even though the nature of the interface has changed.

Mon, Aug. 29th, 2005 12:58 am (UTC)

i fully understand your concerns and doubts. With my first Husband/Master, after ten years i had to become somewhat Domme with Him to get Him to a dr, and He received a surgery that gave me 3 more years with Him. They were hard, and i was a caregiver more than a sub, and had to also keep O/our 5 children understanding how to live with the changes, especially after His stroke. It does work, but requires a lot more effort. i recently came across an article that might have helped me back then. Here is the address.......
http://www.cuffs.com/submission/livingds.html Hope it helps.

Sun, Nov. 20th, 2005 02:15 am (UTC)

Many healing vibes coming His way. I am so sorry, I have just now come to this post and I hope he is doing better.

Sun, Nov. 20th, 2005 09:00 am (UTC)

umm im not sure why this came to me but im not the author of the original post you replied to.

Sat, Sep. 10th, 2005 07:58 pm (UTC)

Master and i have been together for 5 years. Not long i know, but alonger relationship in D/s than either of us has had before Perhaps it helps that we are 120 miles apart and therefore not exposed to the strains of daily life together. We are busily planning our future together. We have problems but one of Master's 3 unbreakable rules (one i'll NEVER forget)is communication. As long as we talk out the small things they don't have time to become big things. Hope this helps.